A Father’s role

This sermon was preached on June 16, 2013

How does one become a better dad? How do we encourage others properly?

Intro.

It is Good to celebrate- Honor your father & mother Eph. 6:2-3

Promise: 1.Things will go well w/ you   2. You will have a long life on the earth

- To Recognize the hard work on roles of Father, celebrate their goodness, kindness

Providing the basic needs Provider: FCS, Education, Protection

& many other roles in the family - carpenter, electrician, plumber, painter, driver, cleaner etc.

Bad experiences, a tough father’s day celebration : Examples

-Roles abdicated, Absentee;   Father left at early age , divorce;     Abused; Same Sex marriages

Reminder to Dads & Others of our role:     For Singles/ Fathers of the future: Preparation

For:  Wives/ future wives, Children, Friends/ relatives, Support the fathers  w/o fathers Ex.

It takes a community to raise a child, It takes teamwork for fathers to be successful.

Importance of Fathers: National Summit on Fatherhood

On October 27-28, the turn to 21^st century the first National Summit on Fatherhood took place in Dallas. The summit was sponsored by the National Fatherhood Initiative, a new organization which emphasizes the irreplaceable role of fathers. The invitation-only event drew 300 civic, religious and cultural leaders around the country. Following the opening address from former Vice President Al Gore, 25 speakers and panel members, addressed the crowd on the subject of

 fathering and its effect on the family and society. Following are some of the interesting social trends and statistics that were discussed:

    * Father-absence is statistically correlated to every negative social trend.

    * Nearly 4 out of 10 children in America are being raised in homes without their fathers and soon it may be 6 out of 10. Almost 75% will experience poverty before the age of 11, compared to only 20 % of those raised by 2 parents.

    -are far more likely to be expelled from or drop out of school, develop emotional or behavioral problems, commit suicide, and fall victim to child abuse or neglect.
   -The emotion that is most often produced in male children is anger.

   

* The average age of youth appearing in court is getting younger, from 15 to 13.

* Teenage girls are beginning to appear more often as the perpetrators of violence.

* 60 percent of America’s rapists, 72 percent of teenagers charged with murder,

and 70 percent of long-term prison inmates grew up without fathers.

Quoted in Christian News, June 1-30, 1995, p. 6

Roles of dad:

1. Lover- Mom & children, people

a.Loving Mom

Ephes. 5: 25 For husbands,.. love your wives, just as Christ loved the church.

He gave up his life for her 26 to make her holy and clean,

washed by the cleansing of God’s word…                       serve us, feed us nourish, massage, clean house

28 In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies... feed it(right kind), clothe it(nice not necessarily expensive), Bathe it- clean environment, healthy-doctor, gym, exercise

31 As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”

-makes decisions w/ his wife not w/ parents(suggestions)

-live w/ his wife not parents or in laws…

As children sees you loving your wife…they know they are going to be loved, accepted…

*The emotion that is most often produced in male children is anger-seen & heard w/ my very own eyes

Self acceptance and self esteem are the most essential characteristics transferred through fathering.

b.Loving Children

4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them.

NIV 6:4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children

The word “provoke” means “to irritate, rub the wrong way, incite.”

This is done by a wrong spirit and wrong methods—

Unreasonableness: No video games or  TV for 1 month if you disobey.

Needless restrictions, : No playing on the sofa…new & don’t want it to be dirty…

Cruel demands: Learn to play the violin, piano, valet, get A’s in your grades, be athletic, be Pres. Of your society….& take up Law in college because there’s a lot of money there.

Selfish insistence upon dictatorial exercise of  authority.: I said so, I am your dad….

 petty rules: Calling time, cannot go to my office room when I’m working, play areas only

 favoritism, Partiality

fault-finding, deriding,

Such conduct towards a child will only serve to nurture ill feelings in their heart, foster negativity,

the feeling that it is impossible for them to please their parents.

Such provocation will produce adverse reactions : deadening children’s affection,(Alienates them)

 reducing their desire for obedience.  & destroying their self –respect so that they lose heart.

 A wise parent seeks to make obedience desirable and attainable by love and gentleness.

Parenting is not easy- it takes lots of patience to raise children in a loving Christ honoring manner.
But frustration and anger should not be causes for discipline.
Parents should care gently for their children, even if the children are disobedient and unpleasant.

 Parents should act in love.

This is vital to children’s development and to their understanding of what Christ is like.

They know we are believers, representative of God. The way they see us, is going to be the image of God before them.

Would they see a loving & caring Dad or a violent, hot tempered, overbearing Dad.

Like father, Like God

Our negative images of God are often rooted in our emotional hurts and destructive patterns of relating to people that we carry with us from our past.

    * If your father was a pushy man who was inconsiderate, or who used you.

 You probably feel cheap or worthless in God’s eyes. You may feel that God will force you to do things you don’t want to do.

    * If your father was like a drill sergeant, demanding more and more from you with no expression of satisfaction, or burning with anger with no tolerance for mistakes.

 You likely feel that God will not accept you unless you meet His demands, which seem unattainable.

    * If your father was a weakling, and you couldn’t depend on him to help you or defend you.

 You may feel that you are unworthy of God’s support, or that He is unable to help you.

    * If your father was overly critical and didn’t believe in you or your capabilities and discouraged you from trying. You don’t feel as if you’re worth God’s respect or trust. You may even see yourself as a continual failure, deserving all the criticism you receive.

In contrast to the negative perception about God, let me give you several positive character qualities of a father. Notice how these qualities, if they existed in your father, have positively influenced your perception of God.

    * If your father was patient.

You feel that you are worth God’s time and concern. You feel important to God and that He is personally involved in every aspect of your life.

    * If your father was a giving man, you may perceive God as someone who gives to you and supports you. You believe that God will give you what is best for you.

    * If your father accepted you, you tend to see God accepting you regardless of what you do. God doesn’t dump on you or reject you when you struggle, but understands and encourages you. You are able to accept yourself even when you blow it or don’t perform up to your potential.

    * If your father protected you, you probably perceive God as your protector in life. You feel that you are worthy of being under His care and you rest in His security.

Examples: from  (Students-survey)                      I. TO LOVE

Provides needs (emotional-, physical-food, clothing and shelter,  

                             Protection).   Sacrificial.

Comforts in failures, Alleviates fears- ghosts, thieves, kidnappers

 Bearing kids’ mistakes or immature judgments with perseverance

Disciplines when in error

Don’t yield to anger

Spends quality time with them (dates daughter/son).  Love- kids spell it T-I-M-E

        *He provides regular emotional bonding experiences.

            -Vacations, celebrations-bdays Mother’s Day Dinner -skype, chat, visit

Has fun the child’s way

Listens patiently

Communicates and really listen. * Listen  at all times: to mealtime stories,

                                                             to the chatter over dish washing, to bedtime prayers.

Friend, counselor, understands, respects

Treats each child as a unique person

 Gets to know their children’s interests & needs

Uses love languages ( affirmations, time, gifts, service, touch) to show affection

Doesn’t show favoritism

Shows affection (hugs and kisses). He tells them he loves them.

He considers them a privilege to care for.(not a burden)

            - for others- adoption, baby sitter, neighbor’s/ relatives children

He makes them a priority.

            -and they know that- Reserve energy for them-not last on the list

            -will always accept their Phone calls-cannot go “silent mode” on them

He honors the members of his family.

            -listens to them, allow them to speak, respect their decisions

*Self acceptance and self esteem are the most essential characteristics transferred through fathering.

2.LEADER:   Dad is the Family Leader.

Mom :  Ephes. 5:23 for the husband is the head of the wife….

Accepts God’s design as the head of his household

He has the last say---  what is the last say? Yes dear

Phil. Setting- matriarchal

Parents abroad- more of the mother staying here.

Husbands, take the responsibility, don’t abdicate the throne of leadership.

Wives, defer to your husbands for leadership, don’t take it.

Result: Children not confuse, see order

Rejects passivity and acts courageously to love and lead his wife and children.

He is an initiator who is actively involved in the lives of his children.

Supports- her decisions disagree/ contradict esp. in front of Kids. Loves her- PDA

He must lead them- this is where we are going as a family, this is where we are going to stay (our home),

This is where you will go to school,

These are our beliefs & values- integrity, honesty, respect, pursuit of excellence, etc.

I will protect you, I will provide for you etc.

-respect him, even if they don’t like some of his decisions, don’t talk behind him w/ their friends

- obey him even if they don’t agree totally w/ his commands.

- follow his  orders

Children: 4 Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.

NIV 6:4  bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

bring them up, develop their conduct in all of life by the instruction and admonition of the Lord.

The word “admonition” carries the idea of reminding the child of faults (constructively) and duties (responsibilities).

Dad manages with knowledge.

“By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; and by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches.”           Proverbs 24:3,4

-He is a student of his children

-Each Child is different even if they came from the same parents.

-Temperament or personalities- Outspoken- silent, Some People oriented- shun, Goal oriented

-Motivation- accomplishments, rewards, external pressure-

- learns, seminars, books, counseling, friends etc.

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How Does a Father Do It?

Finding the right balance between the work place and home front can be a guilt trip, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Look over the list of possible improvements you can make in the way you balance career and family.

    * help your kids with their homework.

    * Remember what you were like as a kid, and cut some slack for your kids.

Keep important things in focus: family unity, values, fun and education.

        * Create family rituals: Saturday morning pancakes, Sunday Lunch together, pizza night, Saturday sports game.

    * Include children in your planning and decision-making : like weekly chore assignments,

             summer vacation plans and special monthly events, house rules, rewards and punishments.

    * Be both loving and firm in setting, negotiating and enforcing rules.

    * Find one common mission or cause that your family loves to do together, instead of splintering your volunteer activities in several different directions.

Inspires journey in life, sharing life’s lesson

Prepare them for future responsibilities and roles.

-Teach them money management and time management

-Encourage them to be responsible—home, school, church

-Screens friends for positive growth

-Be aware and in some ways be involved with their personal life (ex: school, friends, etc)

3.SP.LEADER:  Minister, SHEPHERD 

Ephes. 6:4  bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.

Balance

I have known of a number of wealthy men who were not successes as fathers. They made money rapidly; their factories were marvels of organization; their money investments were sound and made with excellent judgment, and their contributions to public service were useful and willingly made.

All this took time and thought. At the finish there was a fortune on the one hand, and a worthless and dissolute son on the other.

WHY? Too much time spent in making money implies too little time spent with the boy.

Yet that is exactly the bargain those men made, and which many men are still making. They are coining their lives into fortunes and automobile factories and great industries, but their boys are growing up as they may. These men probably will succeed in business; but they will be failures as fathers.

To be the father of a great son is what I should call success. ...This is what I conceive my job to be.

The greatest commandment in Scripture is this: “Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength” (Deuteronomy 6:5).

Going back to verse 2, we read, Deut.6:2 “… your children and their children after them may fear the LORD your God as long as you live by keeping all his decrees and commands that I give you, and so that you may enjoy long life.”

Following Deuteronomy 6:5, we read, “These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up” (vv. 6-7).

1.Dad must pass God's truth down through the generations.  

Dad must exhibit_God's truth in his own life.

He leads them by being a model (Example).

Sees you QT & application, going to church

                                                                                                                       

2.Dad must have the word of God in his own heart.

A man's character is shaped by his relationship with God.

-what is inside will come out

-Rotten inside- just a matter of time- Whitewash tombs, beautify the facade

Clean inside- that’s will come out of your life

What a man is  what is inside.

-take a hard look at your life, your heart, take God’s word as the mirror

- ask your wife, your children….maybe parents, close objective friends

-our children needs sp. And moral guidance.

-If not from us , where will they get it? TV, Movies, Internet, Friends… Scary huh!

3.  Dad uses daily opportunities to equip his children. He is diligent. Deuteronomy 6:6-9

-after church-discuss (informally) the message or during the week or teachable moments (you just don’t know when they will come)

4.  Dad structures formal teaching times to instruct his children.

                                                            Proverbs 4:1,2

-family devotion-  appropriate for their ages- content and time

-bringing to School,  JZone, or now –Internet devotions

Family Worship

1. If only your mother worshipped regularly with you, there’s only a 30 percent probability that you’ll worship regularly as an adult.

2. If only your father worshipped regularly with you, the likelihood that you’ll worship regularly as an adult increases to 70 percent!

3. If both your parents worshipped with you regularly while you were growing up, there’s an 80 percent likelihood that you’ll worship God regularly as an adult.

Fathers have an enormous impact on their children’s faith and values. One of your most important ministries is worshipping with your kids!

On the Father Front, Christian Service Brigade, Spring, 1995, p. 4

Importance of Dad

One startling bit of research conducted by the Christian Business Men’s Committee found the following: When the father is an active believer, there is about a seventy-five percent likelihood that the children will also become active believers. But if only the mother is a believer, this likelihood is dramatically reduced to fifteen percent.

Keith Meyering, in Discipleship Journal, issue #49, p. 41.

Dad as Spiritual Leader:  Shepherds

Models a godly lifestyle/goes to church (be trustworthy, keep promises, do what you say, show humility)

Spiritual leader of the family (lead them to Christ, do ministry together, help children discover God’s purpose for them)

Encourage God-given talents, interests and gifts

Mentor by disciplining to become like Christ

Prays for children and yourself

4.  Application: What is a successful Dad?

A successful dad must ask God to do a work in his own heart.
            He needs a touch from God daily or on a regular basis.

We cannot do it alone, we need the Holy spirit to make us a good Father

w/o time, you cannot lead, you cannot lead by remote control, or by delegation

Husbands Must also Take On Their Responsibilities as Fathers.

Lover, Leader, Sp.Leader Minister **MODEL**

We can’t claim we are successful, we can just do our very best…only our kids can tell/ will tell

Dad is Destiny

A cover article in the February 27 issue of U. S. News & World Report concluded that: Dad is destiny. More than any other factor, a father’s presence in the family will determine a child’s success and happiness.”

New Man, May/June 1995, p. 10

Too Many Tomorrows

I once asked my daughter Jennifer what she thought were the biggest problems fathers have with kids. She said, “Dads have too many “tomorrows.” You know, “I’ll play with you tomorrow, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” She was right. Dad, be there now for your children, building quality and quantity benchmarks of trust. Don’t wait until tomorrow—or you’ll end up wasting too many todays.

Gary Ezzo, Men of Action, Summer, 1996, p. 11

  

Resource: taken from International School of Leadership (QC, Philippines) Parenting Notes