[This sermon was preached at Folsom Community Church on February 12 by Pastor Tito Dizon]
INTRO : (Adapted some materials from Dave Guzik's message on the Song of Solomon)
A. Pre-Valentine Message: Soon it will be Valentine's Day and the month of February is usually called the Love Month so this afternoon's message, I've entitled “Let there be Love!”
The message is based on several passages in the Song of Solomon. It is a single love poem made up of several strophes (segments) designed to deal primarily with the subject of human love and marriage.
B. Context of the passage in Chapter 5 is after the Honeymoon, which is in Chapter 4. You may read Chapter 4 on your own. Here in Ch.5 as they say, the Honeymoon is over. The Phases in Marriage Relationship:
- Courtship
- Marriage
- Honeymoon
- Reality strikes…Work, New friends
Let's take for example couples. Couples are naturally close during dating- why? Couples often work harder to please each other such as save money so that we can have a date, or be able to give during special occasions. For me, I go out of my way to meet and fetch my wife, Dayday. I adjust my schedule so we could spend time together. We are on the giving mode.
But after awhile, some couples,…slowly become distant, drift apart.
It is similar with other relationships, especially with new relationships such as new office mates or co-workers, classmates, a new neighbor or new church mate. In new relationships, we try to be accommodating by: probably orienting them of their new surroundings, lending or giving them things they could use, introducing them to people.
But after awhile, we distance ourselves from (some of) them…why? As we get to know their personality, we find out that their temperament doesn’t suit us. The excitement of meeting is fades, the anticipation to meet fizzles out.
Today's text will give us suggestions on how to to value, nurture & protect a close loving relationship. How can we keep our Marriage in Honeymoon stage…or back to this stage? How can we restore & foster good relationships with friends, office mates, classmates, neighbors, relatives…
Here is my outline of Song of Solomon Ch.5
I. Love Ruined 2-6
II. Love Realized 7-8III. Love Restored 9-16
I. Love ruined 2-6 The erosion of love, or good relationship
A. The maiden describes her dream. (5:2)
2 I slept, but my heart was awake, when I heard my lover knocking and calling:
“Open to me, my treasure, my darling, my dove, my perfect one.
My head is drenched with dew, my hair with the dampness of the night.”
1. I slept, but my heart was awake, when I heard my lover knocking and calling. The maiden is described as being asleep yet dreaming. In her half-awake, half-asleep state the maiden heard the voice of her beloved outside her door. Having come in some way unexpectedly (perhaps later than expected after a long day of looking after his responsibilities), the beloved found himself locked outside the maiden’s home .
2. The beloved made several appeals to the maiden:
- The appeal of his presence; simply knowing that he was at the door might have persuaded the maiden to open the door. It could have been their secret knock/ we sometimes have a signature knock.
- The voice of the beloved; the sound of his call to her & The specific request when the beloved asked, “Open for me,” it should have been enough to make the maiden to open the door. But the sound of his voice was not enough to persuade her to open the door.
- The warm and affectionate appeal; the tender and beautiful names that he called the maiden should have melted her heart. Nowhere else in the song does he pour out upon her so many affectionate names. These are warm and complimentary terms. Yet this also was not enough to persuade her to open the door: i. My sister (my treasure): One suggestion with this title is permanence. One remains a sister forever, and that is how long the beloved wanted to be connected with his maiden. Another is depth of relationship. My sister -In the ancient Near East "sister" was a term for one's wife in love poetry and was used to emphasize the closeness of their relationship.ii. My love, my dove: constant faithfulness, for which doves are famous.”iii. My perfect one: Ethical and moral blamelessness is more the idea.
- The description of his own discomforts for her sake; if nothing else, these should have warmed her heart to open the door. Like a shepherd out late at night watching over the flocks, his head was wet with the moisture of the dew that covered the land that night. Yet for all this, the maiden did not open the door for the beloved and allow him to enter in!
B. The woman's initial response
3 But I responded,
“I have taken off my robe. Should I get dressed again?
I have washed my feet. Should I get them soiled?”
1. In response to the warm appeal of the beloved, the maiden answered only with excuses. She was comfortable in her bed, so he could not come in. She could not be bothered with the inconvenience of dressing herself and preparing herself or sleep again .
2. How can I, Should I: “… she appears unwilling to put herself to any trouble even for her lover.” How many “I”s are here in this verse?
3. Perhaps she did not appreciate the unexpected nature of the beloved’s arrival; Perhaps he came much later than she had expected him, and therefore she felt annoyed. Perhaps this was her effort to control the relationship (“Why should I run as soon as he knocks? He can wait a little while.”)
Whatever the specific reason, she refused to promptly rise from bed and open the door. This attitude shows an insensitive spirit. She was thinking only about her comfort. “This is a remarkable picture of the kind of adjustments that are necessary in life style in every relationship.”
- Our natural sloth (laziness)- At home sometimes we don’t want to wash dishes, cook, take care of the kids, clean the house. At work: admin details, talk
- The differences between a man and a woman- Man-solution oriented, woman- more emotional/ feeling. “Venus & Mars” book by John Gray
- Our uncertainty about the other’s thinking: Dayday, my wife, is the eldest, I’m the third son.
- The variations in our life rhythms: She is a night person , I'm a day person
- Our unwillingness to alter our preferred patterns for the other: Paradigm, way of doing and thinking
- Our own self-consciousness: What will people think of me? What will they say? What will I get?
Continuing on w/ the dream/story….
4 My lover tried to unlatch the door, and my heart thrilled within me.
5 I jumped up to open the door for my love, and my hands dripped with perfume. My fingers dripped with lovely myrrh as I pulled back the bolt.
6 I opened to my lover, but he was gone! My heart sank.
I searched for him but could not find him anywhere.
I called to him, but there was no reply.
4. I arose to open for my beloved: It wasn’t that the maiden refused to open for her beloved; it was that she long delayed to do so, and delayed out of self-interest and self-indulgence, probably connected with some resentment towards the beloved.
And my hands dripped with myrrh: As the maiden finally rose from bed and came to the door, she noticed that the door or the latch of the door had been anointed with sweet perfume.
This was another reminder of the beauty and the quality of his love for her. It was a custom among some ancient peoples to anoint doors used by a bride with fragrant oils,(Clarke) “He simply left her a ‘love note’ and then went away. In their culture a lover would leave this fragrant myrrh at the door as a sign that he had been there.”
5. His response – not of anger, not of objection, but simply a non-threatening display of love – would soon awaken a loving response in her.
This is a wonderful picture of the way a husband should respond when he feels disrespected by his wife; Instead of angrily demanding respect, he should instead display his love for her in a non-threatening way and wait for the response of love to her. When the maiden finally came to the door , she found that her beloved was gone. She was too late.
"The presence and comfort of her Bridegroom are again lost to her I called him, but he gave me no answer: Now the roles were reversed. Where once the beloved called for the maiden and heard no response, now the maiden calls for him but hears no answer. She had foolishly waited too long to respond, actually working against her own self-interest.
Here we can observe that… Significant damage may be done to a relationship by:
- Holding on to resentments and refusing to be generous with forgiveness. The maiden felt resentment towards the beloved. (the nature and reasonableness of that resentment is impossible to determine).
- The attempt to force one’s interest and affections upon another, and not waiting for their response. The beloved refused to force himself upon his maiden, and would only enter at her invitation.
- Refusing or delaying response when approached in a loving and persistent way. Because of her resentment, the maiden long delayed her response to the desire of the beloved. The beloved made a true and persistent appeal to his maiden, that they might be together and enjoy their relationship. When she finally did respond, it seemed too late – the moment had passed and her beloved was gone.
- Failing to appreciate the value of an appeal to resume or build relationship, typically out of self-interest and self-indulgence, or a desire to control the relationship.
Again, what’s the main contributor to a relationship breakdown? Self-centeredness or selfishness
Selfishness in a relationship leads to isolation…we end up being separated…
Isolation-is the condition of being alone, separated, set apart from the latin word insulates-made into an island.
Isolation exists to a greater or lesser degree in every relationship where people “go their way.”
What do you think is the solution for selfishness? Allowing Jesus and the Word to change your perspective, focus; confess sin, work hard in the power of the Holy Spirit to nurture and protect your relationship.
For me & my wife (husband, father) it took 10 yrs before we really enjoyed our relationship. We attended conferences, joined small group, read books on building relationships. Practice asking forgiveness and giving it. Keep short accounts.Do unto others what you would have others do to you.
Living in victory over selfishness is a lifelong process. A husband or wife need all of the above especially the guidance of Guidance of God’s Word.
That’s why… Prov.24:3-4 By wisdom a house is built, & by understanding it is established; & by knowledge the rooms are filled w/ all precious & pleasant riches.
The 2nd part of this chapter is the woman realizing her mistake & need for companionship
II. Love Realized 7-8
7 The night watchmen found me as they made their rounds.
They beat and bruised me and stripped off my veil, those watchmen on the walls.
Since this happened in a dream, this may reflect the maiden’s guilt over her previous response to him . “Does this treatment by the watchmen reflect the girl’s guilt and sense of failure at the slowness of her response to her husband?”
We may end up bruised by the experience. Likewise, God sometimes uses the bumps and bruises of life to show us the need of companionship. Think of a time when hardship or disappointment prompted you to renew your determination to seek your spouse, your relatives, your friends…Christ.
8 Make this promise, O women of Jerusalem—
If you find my lover, tell him I am weak with love. Tell him I am lovesick! The maiden’s plea to the daughters of Jerusalem shows that she came to regret and suffer under her previous actions. Now she was lovesick. Here she was aching at its absence. In relationship, neglect inevitably leads to a loss of intimacy.
With the realization of company, love can be restored.
III. Love Recovered 9-16
9 Why is your lover better than all others, O woman of rare beauty?
What makes your lover so special that we must promise this?
1. The Daughters of Jerusalem ask about the beloved.
a. What is your beloved more than another beloved:
In essence, the daughters of Jerusalem wanted to know what was so special about the maiden’s beloved. They wanted an explanation as for why she was so lovesick and why she so desperately sought him. This is to drive home the point of the need for someone like her lover. No man/woman is an island.
“Her anguish at her loss was so extreme, her heart-sickness was so agonizing, her frenzy so bewildering, that they were startled into feeling that he of whom she was bereft was no common lover.”
b. O fairest among women: This may have been spoken sarcastically, because (in her dream) the maiden’s appearance may have been neglected by her rapid rising, her frantic search, and her mistreatment by the watchmen. …Of why she deserves her beloved’s love.
2. (10-16) The maiden responds by describing the beloved.
10 My lover is dark and dazzling, better than ten thousand others!
(tall dark & handsome, 1 in a million)
11 His head is finest gold, his wavy hair is black as a raven.
12 His eyes sparkle like doves beside springs of water; they are set like jewels washed in milk.
(Tantalizing eyes not cross-eyed)
13 His cheeks are like gardens of spices giving off fragrance.
His lips are like lilies, perfumed with myrrh. (smell his perfume from a distance)
14 His arms are like rounded bars of gold, set with beryl.
His body is like bright ivory, glowing with lapis lazuli. 15 His legs are like marble pillars set in sockets of finest gold.
His posture is stately, like the noble cedars of Lebanon.
(A MVP,Triathlon, Decathlon Champion)
16 His mouth is sweetness itself; he is desirable in every way.
(He’s like Shakespeare greeting me at Valentine’s day & everyday is Valentine's Day in our house)
Such, O women of Jerusalem, is my lover, my friend.
"The force of the whole unit is that in the girl’s eyes her lover (be he king or peasant) is beyond comparison.” He was tall, dark, and handsome; with a tanned face and dark hair, but his eyes were soft and tender. His cologne smelled good and his hands were so strong and gentle that they were as precious as gold.
He was strongly built from head to toe and most of all had a dignified bearing.
a. The description uses many figures of speech and expressions that sound strange to us, but the main idea is unmistakable. She was attracted to her beloved both by his character and by his physical appearance. Brought back to a fresh appreciation of the one she loved,
A wife may think that this is the kind of man she could love; but she should probably remember that at one time, her husband was this kind of man. She can see him that way again. Instead of thinking “I deserve better than him,” she started being amazed at what she once had and still does.
Of course, the exact same reasoning applies to a husband in reference to his wife.
b. “Instead of thinking of herself, she started thinking of her beloved. Instead of wanting her comfort and convenience, she desired to nurture the relationships she had started to take for granted.”
Step back and recall what you appreciated about the other person (husband, friend, office mate, boss). What are his good points, his strengths, etc. Example with kids: during a family member's birthday, ask the question that everyone answers: What is it that you appreciate about __________?
Make a habit of catching someone doing what's right, helpful, or admirable and note it down, or write him a note expressing your appreciation, admiration, esteem etc.
c. Curiously, in the context of her dream, she did not say these things to her beloved, but she said these things about him in the presence of others. It was more important for her to be convinced of these things than it was for him to hear them.
He is my lover: This is my friend: “ expresses companionship and friendship.
Express in various ways, particularly verbally and occasionally in front of others, what your husband, child or colleague has done that's positive and complimentary.
Use the 5 love languages to show respect, affection or compassion towards others.
Yahoo News Feb.1
Wilbur and Teresa Faiss, America's longest-married couple. The Las Vegas residents were first wed in April, 1933. Wilbur, now 100-years-old, A group called the Worldwide Marriage Encounter certified the marriage as the nation's longest ongoing union. On a recent trip to Nevada, President Obama was even scheduled to deliver brief remarks acknowledging the couple. As for the secret to their wedded bliss as they approach their 80th anniversary, Wilbur says, "It's very simple. It's give and take and compromise."
Conclusion:
Let there be Love! Ruin, Realization, Recovered (Restored)
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